Nick Jonas and the Administration

It is no secret, Elizabeth LOVES Nick Jonas. And it is no secret I LOVE L.A. and the Jonas Brothers. So when Nick ventured out on his solo tour, Liz and I waited for him to come to Vegas. He didn't. About November, Liz was talking about what she wanted for Christmas and she wasn't really asking for anything special. Liz is an amazing young woman, aside from a little attitude here and there. She is a great kid. I wanted to do something special. When I got the text that more L.A. dates had been added, I swung into action. For Chirstmas, mom and KC, Lane and I gave Elizabeth a trip to LA to see Nick Jonas and the Administration. This was no small feet. Many hoops had to be jumped through and stars had to align just right for this to happen.
I will never forget Christmas Morning. I made Elizabeth a little story book put into a photo album. It told her story. At the end, where the tickets. She cried. It was amazing. And we were excited.
So January 27th, My mom, Liz and I set out on our first Road Trip. This was the first time I had EVER driven out of town on my own. (sad i know.) Since our car had been totalled earlier in the month, we had a beautiful rental car and we were off. Our plan was to head down, stay on base in Malibu, go to the show and hang out Wednesday and head back home. Everything was planned, tickets printed, room booked... we were set... Well. We made it to Malibu and found that we could not stay on base because Liz and I don't have Military ID... We do it all the time in San Diego and Coronado. So we were hotel-less... So we headed back into LA. We decided to hit Starbucks for a pick me up and wi fi to book our hotel room. While we stopped, I decided to have Lizzie grabbed the tickets to see what time the show started. The show started the night before. Yep, that's right, no room and our tickets were for last nights show and we are in Malibu, not LA and it is like 3:30 pm. At that point, it was pointless to book the room because if we weren't going to the show, I was headed home... In California, you can't talk on the phone and drive so Liz had to call her Grandfather for me. I told her, "without crying, I need you to call Grandpa and have check to see if there are still tickets available and book our room." That's right, I had a back up room already picked out. Tickets were still available so we high tailed it to Hollywood from Malibu in the starting of rush hour traffic to see if we could get seats. I made it, there were people already lined up to get into the show. I walked up to the ticket booth and asked for any seats, just 2, they didn't even have to be together. The response was, "Ah, honey, don't worry, I'm totally going to take care of you." At that point, I went into my story, we're from Vegas, tickets were for last night, hotel didn't work out...blah.blah.blah. Again he repeated, "Don't worry sweetie, I am totally hooking you up." (I love LA and "LA men" if you know what I mean.) I never even looked at the tickets, I gave him half the price I spent on the tickets when I originally bought them, thanked him profusely and went back to the car. Let Liz know we got our tickets and we went to our hotel just a block away to get ready.
Our room was great, just a block from the Wiltern, had a great pizza joint accross the street and everything was good. We walked to the show, got our t shirt, and I found an usher to ask for directions. I explained I was pretty sure our seats were in the balcony area and asked for directions to get up there. She giggled and said, "let me show you to your seats." Our seats were 5 rows from the stage. I would definatly say that guy hooked me up. I noticed on the seats they were the "House Comps" so the guy pocketed the money for the seats but who cares...
Liz was totally able to make eye contact with Nick Jonas. It was so Wonderful... We had so much fun... The night could not have been better.

Concerts with Liz

I spent the summer of 09 going to concerts with Lizzie. I love her music as much as she does. Sometimes I think I like the Jonas Brothers more. I have listened to them longer. But the summer started out with Demi Lovato and David Archuleta. It was awesome. We had amazing floor seats. Lizzie sang her heart out. She loves Demi, and Demi can sing... She did a rendition of "Natural Woman" that was phenomial.
In August we went to the concert I was looking forward to, JONAS BROTHERS. This one was also AMAZING. We stood in line forever to get in, but they are totally worth it. Liz and I had so much fun, singing and dancing...

what a year.

So it has been almost a full year since my last post. I can honestly say last summer was one of the hardest and emotionally challanging in my life. It was about this time last year, I got a phone call that would change my family forever. The path to forgiveness was shown. I am happy to say all is well with that situation. In fact better than ever expected. I could never have gotten through it with out my wonderful Visiting Teacher, Val. I didn't understand why she had been chosen for me, but after one afternoon it was all clear. So slowly I will start updating the blog. I have had a wonderful year...lots to talk about.

Forgiveness

At what point should a person decide to let go. It is not a secret I have had an extremely difficult year. From family issues to fighting the schools for Owen. I am severely struggling physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. For the most part, I keep it in. That is the way I have dealt with my emotions throughout my life. Hold them in until something sets me off and then lose it. I have been able to not lose it more and more, but the toll it is taking on me I am afraid may be irreversible.
A couple of years ago, I was in a confrontation with someone and words were spoken that have devastated me. Although I apologized for my wrong doing in the situation sincerely, the statements that were made to me have haunted me and I am still plagued with the feelings of unkindness and hatred every time I must see the person who spoke them. I should let go, but I can’t or maybe it is I won’t. These were some of the most unkind, hateful words ever to be spoken to me and no responsibility of wrong doing has ever come of the altercation other than from me. This situation still adds stress to my life and marriage often. Again, this was years ago and I still have the horrible feelings that I cannot leave behind me.
More recently, I have had to and am still dealing with struggles with my own parents. After decades of dealing with the same problems over and over only escalated grander, when is enough enough to walk away and not look back? I wonder each day how my life would be if I did just that. To what extent would my life have to change for me to be able to make the commitment to let go. How would my life better by doing just that? If I do walk away and the terrible inevitable fates are met, how much of that is my responsibility? Can I make a difference? After 30 years, I have not been able to is something in the future or the present going to change to where I can make the difference and make it all better? Or do I focus on my husband, my children and forget about the rest.
It is time for me to move on, to be the bigger person so to speak. I know that forgiveness is the key to salvation yet it is at times to hard to give. Is forgiveness really needed when the person you are forgiving still does not feel they have trespassed?

So something has happened. I am not really sure when but it has been pretty recent. Lizzie has turned into a very responsible young lady. A few weeks ago when Lane and I went to California, Elizabeth totally step up and helped with the boys. And she did so without attitude. And even more, she has started watching them here and there when I am working. I have to laugh because she is amazing with Owen and Camden. She totally entertains them, makes them lunch, everything. Today she even did laundry.
I have known I have a good girl, but I am so pleased to see her turning into such a wonderful young lady. (Beautiful too.)

Fathers Day 2009

Just a preface: this might not be the normal upbeat, rah rah post I usually write.
So for Father's Day, I decided I would make Lane breakfast in bed. He has been on vacation this week, so I wasn't able to really have anything major done or planned for him. It was simple but yummy. Waffles with blackberry jam, homemade whipped cream and fresh blackberries and a bacon and cheese omelet. It was great to watch Camden who had to have his waffle exactly like Daddy's. It was the beginning of a wonderful day. That is when I did it, I ruined my day that could have been so wonderful.
I have been debating what to do about my family situation for a while. I bought my father a card and was planning on making a cute little cupcake with grass and a lawn mower on it to take to him after church. Expectation way too high !!! I called him about 9 am thinking I would be able to catch him before he and his family went out...The phone was answered by my cheerful step mother who was as always very polite. But much to both of our shock, my father was not up to talking on the phone. What a joke. Really, a simple "happy fathers day. how's it going" was all I had planned. Especially after the last time I talked to him.
I just don't get it. Any of it. I don't understand how a father can treat his children and grandchildren this way. And I don't understand why I continue to let us be treated like this in the hopes that one day he will open his eyes and see what he is missing out on. Or maybe I should just understand this is the life I was given and I can't change it, I just have to focus on the positive I have in my life like my husband. Knowing how screwed up my childhood was, I am thankful everyday for the wonderful husband I have. He is honestly the most amazing husband and father I know. I know I have defied all odds to have the relationship I have with him and I shouldn't let the other bother me. But it still hurts, even after 29+ years.

Together again

I am still amazed at the idea that I love to spend time with my husband. We have been married for 13 years and I will still jump at any chance I have to spend time alone together. Tuesday afternoon I got a phone call from him saying he needed to go on a business trip to California leaving Wednesday afternoon. Immediately I swang into action. Got the ride home from school for Elizabeth, mom to come and stay with the kids and backup plans for all of it.
He still has to work, but it is so nice to just be in the car talking to him about everything and nothing. And this trip, boy were we in the car. Yet I loved every minute of it. It's pathetic, I know, but I am still completely in love.

BTW - if you are ever near Encintas, CA and in need of a GREAT burger, go to Angelo's it's on Pacific Coast Highway and it is AMAZING...Best fries around.

Three Day Weekend !!

I am so happy to have a three day weekend. It is even better since Lane is actually home for it. Saturday we spent the day "Spring Cleaning." I admit, I have a 2 cupboards that accumulate junk. Papers and stuff get put in them and then forgotten. I am happy to say, they are now cleaned out and one has turned into a craft cupboard and the other one is still the "I don't know where to put it, but I think I need it" place. Maybe since it is clean and organized, Lane will put his things there instead of on top of the refrigerator. (big pet peeve) The boys cleaned there room and I was able to get rid of quite a few toys. We do still have a ton of action figures and cars. But they are organized not and the boys can play away with them.
After our cleaning session, we went to see Night at the Museum 2. Still can't decide if I liked it. Loved the cupids...If you know who they are you will totally know why. I have to laugh, Camden was so excited to go but as soon as the theater went dark he was ready to go home. He did settle in and watch the whole thing and laugh. So many movies I want to see this summer. I can't wait.
When I got home from the movie, I had a message from Owen's Primary teacher, my good friend, who had a couple things come up and wasn't going to make it to Church today and asked if Lane and I could take her class. No big we do it with no problems. Not to mention, three day weekend, not many families will be there. Well then, at 10:30, my other good friend texted me and her sub backed out last minute, she was camping. So we were taking their class too. Which I totally would do, I love Annilee and Cole so Lane and I would do anything to help them. I was totally nervous though. We normally have about 10 active members of our class, Annilee has about that if not more, and poor Kristen has 4 total... I bearly slept last night going over how we were going to entertain that many kids. Well, we got into Primary today and there was a total of SEVEN kids in Jr Primary. That's right, SEVEN. Needless to say we had an amazing class. As the kids colored their handouts, they were humming Primary songs. How cute is that?
And tonight, Lane's best friend from Arizona had to come to town. I haven't seen him in forever. I was so happy he came for dinner. He has turned into such a great guy. It was great to see him and listen to he and Lane talk and watch him with the kids. And just after I got my pj's on, Lane's phone rang again and one of his old mission compainions is on Holiday from England and came to visit. I love to listen to the British speak, it is so beautiful. They use such great adjectives. I should say it is lovely to speak to them.
Tomorrow we have another great day planned, a morning bike ride, more cleaning and an afternoon BBQ with the Barlow's. I hope you all had a great weekend too.

Mother's Day Projects

This year I was creative with my Mother's Day Gifts. I have learned through life if I am thoughtful in giving a gift, I am usually happy with the result. I found a cute little flower made out of a childs hand on an apron. It was darling. I am still not the sewing novice I would like to be so I thought I would just paint the kids hands on canvas. It turned out so well. I thought it was great. I will have to make one for myself too.
On a side note. Without speaking to one another, Owen's class aide, Mrs. Donya did the same thing for Mother's Day for with the students in his class. She is one amazing woman and mom.

Cam does R Patz

When I took Camden shopping for his friends birthday gift, he decided to go incognito. He found a stocking cap in the bottom of the bat bag and put it on. It was priceless Cam.

Camden's First Birthday Party

Last week, I went to the mailbox and Camden had an invitation to his first "REAL" birthday party. I showed him the cute little Minnie Mouse card and told him it was for his friend Taylor from Nursery at Church. With his little crooked smile he said, "I wanna go mom. Can I go? He was so genuinely excited...He loves his friends from Nursery.

After baseball practice I took just Cam to pick out Taylor's present. I asked him before what he wanted to get her and he told me a "boy toy." But when we got to Target he changed his mind. We walked in and I asked again and ever so sweetly he said, "a dress I want to get her a dress." I tried to persuade him to the toys but he was set on a dress. We walked through the little girls clothing and he found the cutest little white top. It looked kinda boho, but he loved it. That was what he wanted to get her. He even found the size he thought would fit...He knows what size he wears so he assumes everyone his age should wear it too. Amazingly, he found a darling pink scooter skirt to go with it. I must admit, he did a great job, it was very impressive.


So today was the big day. After his baseball game he took a bath and got all ready for his party. It was just up the hill so we walked to the party. Just he and I. I was a little nervous, it is not exactly an easy walk out of our neighborhood. It is a pretty steep hill. He didn't even miss a step. He looked at the flowers and the rocks and asked tons of questions as we walked hand and hand to the park. You could not have asked for a more beautiful day. It is an experience I will cherish, and he will not even think twice about.


The party was so much fun. Taylor's family is so great. And all of the 3 year olds from nursery were there. Since we moved into the ward, Cam has talked about Ben. It was so much fun watching the two of them play. They totally carried on conversations as they played. They all played so cute together and had so much fun. As did I. What an experience. Great friends, great food (really good cake) and tons of fun. Is there a better way to spend a Saturday?

Field Trip to the Casino

About a month ago, I got a note from the school saying the First grade would be going on a field trip to the Rain Forest Cafe. I couldn't help to question how this could be educational. Yesterday I found out why. I was amazed at how wonderfully educational and entertaining this field trip was. Wednesday night it did hit me that Hayden had never been into a casino before, but to my shock, he still has never really been in one. We entered from a side entrance right by the restaurant and exited the same way. There were no slot machines or any other signs of a casino near. The kids had a blast. Our tour guide was awesome. He answered any and all questions the kids had...and the adult questions too. After about a 45 minute lecture/lesson on the rain forest we were treated to an unbelievable lunch. So much fun.

Everything is better in a Fort

Monday Camden, Owen and I made a huge fort in the living room. We had such a great time playing in it. Even better, we had a special surprise when a friend dropped by Great Harvest bread and jam. (Thanks Kristen) It was still warm and so yummy. So we got to have a wonderful snack in our fort. I have so much fun playing with the boys. I have made the decision that I am going to enjoy my children more and play...not just run around cleaning up after them. The house looks the same at the end of the day anyways...

Super Star Mystery Bash

As I was told by one attendee... "Lizzie's party last year was so awesome. So what are we doing this year, how are you going to top last year? How?" Thank you for the pressure Miss Messina. I think I topped it. I honestly think the girls had a wonderful time. I sure did.
This year for Lizzie's party, we opted for a Mystery Party. I have always wanted to host one of these and since I do feel the pressure of needing to one up last year, I decided this might be the way. We had so much fun. I made sure that all of the characters matched the personalities or likes of the girls. And each girl optimized their character. As did I Host/Detective Sun Dried Tomato. I said last year the Lizzie's friends are just amazing and again they were this year. The all seem to have so much fun together, and are so sweet to one another. She is one very lucky little lady.
I am sorry for the no picture thing, I lost my camera Saturday night, just to find it on Sunday morning when I wasn't looking.

Week Recap

Sunday - Big blowout at Aaron's Birthday Party.
Monday - The aftermath of the blowout at Aaron's party, Khloe cried all day long.
Tuesday - Still dealing with crap from Sunday, had a withdrawal from my account that was supposed to have been cancelled, got totally taken advantage of by someone, and Khloe cried all day. Forgot the extra glove for baseball practice, was late, had the equipment in the back of the burb and so Lane yelled at me. (Made an amazing dinner)
Wednesday - Lizzie's Bday. Got the house picked up. Thought the day was going well, facebooked about the day before to a friend thinking only she could see it and it posted to the public. Heather nicely figured out how to get it down. Khloe cried all morning, but cheered up after her nap. Got a little boy who doesn't want to leave mom's side to finally get ready for school, dropped him off thought to go get a pick me up at Saxby's, looked saw Camden was unbuckled, stopped buckled him in and the proceeded through a one way in the parking lot and got hit. Liz to dance, finished birthday cake. Don't think Liz liked her presents... Crashed depressed on the couch snuggling with husband.
TODAY- Got up made lunches for Lizzie, Lane and Hayden. Breakfast for Camden. Showered, came downstairs to see Camden had eaten Hayden's lunch... Made a second lunch for Hayden. Special Sunshine pancakes for Owen. Phone's out, Internet is on the blink... Got Jonas Brothers tickets... two days before the general public, and they kinda suck, but we got them... and it is only 11 am -
This week has got to get better.

12

My Lizzie turned twelve yesterday. It is so hard to think she is that old. She is beautiful and sweet and sassy. She reminds me a lot of my sister when she was a kid only Carey was a clean freak and Liz takes after me in this aspect. She is still as stubborn as the day we had her. It is crazy to think of all the problems and the NICU stay and how she has grown with no signs of any problems.

Lizzie is smart, sometimes too smart. She learned very early in school to do just what she needed to do to get her "A" and that is all she does. I have tried to explain how important taking the extra steps to do her best are, I think she is starting to understand that. Lizzie is strong. She knows right from wrong and as far as I know is staying on the right path.

Lizzie loves to dance and sing. She would like to try the whole acting thing but I am too scared to let her. (look at Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears) She keeps asking so who knows if I will give in. She is so tall and beautiful. She has been approached so many times, we just haven't done it.

Lizzie is amazing. She will do what you ask. She will complain alot right now but she is beginning to understand the true meaning of a family and the importance of a strong one.

We love our Lizzie. Happy Birthday.

Retrospection

Those who know me well, know I had a pretty messed up childhood. My brother, sister and I were extremely close while growing up and are lucky enough to have continued to have a great relationship to this day. I hope my children will have the same bond that the three of us have... Only I don't want them to have to (nor do I think they will) bond under the same circumstances.
Just recently, I had really thought I had come to grips with my childhood. I understand a little more about myself and why I have some of the feelings I do. As well I understand why I acted in ways that I did. Tonight I found myself back feeling as if I were the six year old who couldn't fix it all. The feelings of helplessness and desperation are so overwhelming and hurtful. I don't know if I am as over my childhood as I thought I was. I do know that tonight made me want to be the best mother and wife I can be so my children will never have to feel the pain I do.

The Next Stage Continues to Roll On

It hit a few months back that Lane and I were onto a new stage in our lives. Our kids are growing up which is allowing us to create a new lifestyle. This was evident last month when I went on an amazing overnight business trip to Southern California with him. (can't wait to go again.) Last week Cammers turned 3. Today we signed him up for T ball.
It is official, we have no more babies in this family. Pictures will be posted soon.

My Baby is 3

I can't believe my baby is 3. Camden turned 3 on Monday. He is the funniest child on the planet. He has never been a "baby." I would imagine that is because he has two older brothers he has to keep up with. Camers has no fear... he will try anything. climb up or jump off what ever is around. The past few weeks Camden has been a do it himself kinda guy. He will get his own water, his own snacks and he dresses himself regularly. Which often means his shoes are on the wrong feet.
Camden loves to be read to. Our family has been reading the Captain Underpants Series. Camden sits with us and is completely attentive to the story. He also loves to read to you. After you read him a book, he will then "read" it to you. He loves his hot dogs and his favorite color right now is Yellow, which really suits his happy personality. Camden can play with his cars for hours. I love to listen to his cars talk to one another. His favorite movies are Cars and HSM... He loves to sing the HSM songs with Lizzie.
Don't get me wrong, he is not perfect. He is very strong and will punch your lights out to get what he wants if he feels he needs to. He is stubborn as all heck. Which is probably why he beat such great odds to be born. I can't say just how much I love this little guy. He warms my heart with his twinkling eyes and crooked smile. And it melts when he tells me "yous my best friend" or "I's luz you." I luz him too.

Owen's Pirate Party

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