Concerts with Liz

I spent the summer of 09 going to concerts with Lizzie. I love her music as much as she does. Sometimes I think I like the Jonas Brothers more. I have listened to them longer. But the summer started out with Demi Lovato and David Archuleta. It was awesome. We had amazing floor seats. Lizzie sang her heart out. She loves Demi, and Demi can sing... She did a rendition of "Natural Woman" that was phenomial.
In August we went to the concert I was looking forward to, JONAS BROTHERS. This one was also AMAZING. We stood in line forever to get in, but they are totally worth it. Liz and I had so much fun, singing and dancing...

what a year.

So it has been almost a full year since my last post. I can honestly say last summer was one of the hardest and emotionally challanging in my life. It was about this time last year, I got a phone call that would change my family forever. The path to forgiveness was shown. I am happy to say all is well with that situation. In fact better than ever expected. I could never have gotten through it with out my wonderful Visiting Teacher, Val. I didn't understand why she had been chosen for me, but after one afternoon it was all clear. So slowly I will start updating the blog. I have had a wonderful year...lots to talk about.

Forgiveness

At what point should a person decide to let go. It is not a secret I have had an extremely difficult year. From family issues to fighting the schools for Owen. I am severely struggling physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. For the most part, I keep it in. That is the way I have dealt with my emotions throughout my life. Hold them in until something sets me off and then lose it. I have been able to not lose it more and more, but the toll it is taking on me I am afraid may be irreversible.
A couple of years ago, I was in a confrontation with someone and words were spoken that have devastated me. Although I apologized for my wrong doing in the situation sincerely, the statements that were made to me have haunted me and I am still plagued with the feelings of unkindness and hatred every time I must see the person who spoke them. I should let go, but I can’t or maybe it is I won’t. These were some of the most unkind, hateful words ever to be spoken to me and no responsibility of wrong doing has ever come of the altercation other than from me. This situation still adds stress to my life and marriage often. Again, this was years ago and I still have the horrible feelings that I cannot leave behind me.
More recently, I have had to and am still dealing with struggles with my own parents. After decades of dealing with the same problems over and over only escalated grander, when is enough enough to walk away and not look back? I wonder each day how my life would be if I did just that. To what extent would my life have to change for me to be able to make the commitment to let go. How would my life better by doing just that? If I do walk away and the terrible inevitable fates are met, how much of that is my responsibility? Can I make a difference? After 30 years, I have not been able to is something in the future or the present going to change to where I can make the difference and make it all better? Or do I focus on my husband, my children and forget about the rest.
It is time for me to move on, to be the bigger person so to speak. I know that forgiveness is the key to salvation yet it is at times to hard to give. Is forgiveness really needed when the person you are forgiving still does not feel they have trespassed?

So something has happened. I am not really sure when but it has been pretty recent. Lizzie has turned into a very responsible young lady. A few weeks ago when Lane and I went to California, Elizabeth totally step up and helped with the boys. And she did so without attitude. And even more, she has started watching them here and there when I am working. I have to laugh because she is amazing with Owen and Camden. She totally entertains them, makes them lunch, everything. Today she even did laundry.
I have known I have a good girl, but I am so pleased to see her turning into such a wonderful young lady. (Beautiful too.)

Fathers Day 2009

Just a preface: this might not be the normal upbeat, rah rah post I usually write.
So for Father's Day, I decided I would make Lane breakfast in bed. He has been on vacation this week, so I wasn't able to really have anything major done or planned for him. It was simple but yummy. Waffles with blackberry jam, homemade whipped cream and fresh blackberries and a bacon and cheese omelet. It was great to watch Camden who had to have his waffle exactly like Daddy's. It was the beginning of a wonderful day. That is when I did it, I ruined my day that could have been so wonderful.
I have been debating what to do about my family situation for a while. I bought my father a card and was planning on making a cute little cupcake with grass and a lawn mower on it to take to him after church. Expectation way too high !!! I called him about 9 am thinking I would be able to catch him before he and his family went out...The phone was answered by my cheerful step mother who was as always very polite. But much to both of our shock, my father was not up to talking on the phone. What a joke. Really, a simple "happy fathers day. how's it going" was all I had planned. Especially after the last time I talked to him.
I just don't get it. Any of it. I don't understand how a father can treat his children and grandchildren this way. And I don't understand why I continue to let us be treated like this in the hopes that one day he will open his eyes and see what he is missing out on. Or maybe I should just understand this is the life I was given and I can't change it, I just have to focus on the positive I have in my life like my husband. Knowing how screwed up my childhood was, I am thankful everyday for the wonderful husband I have. He is honestly the most amazing husband and father I know. I know I have defied all odds to have the relationship I have with him and I shouldn't let the other bother me. But it still hurts, even after 29+ years.

Together again

I am still amazed at the idea that I love to spend time with my husband. We have been married for 13 years and I will still jump at any chance I have to spend time alone together. Tuesday afternoon I got a phone call from him saying he needed to go on a business trip to California leaving Wednesday afternoon. Immediately I swang into action. Got the ride home from school for Elizabeth, mom to come and stay with the kids and backup plans for all of it.
He still has to work, but it is so nice to just be in the car talking to him about everything and nothing. And this trip, boy were we in the car. Yet I loved every minute of it. It's pathetic, I know, but I am still completely in love.

BTW - if you are ever near Encintas, CA and in need of a GREAT burger, go to Angelo's it's on Pacific Coast Highway and it is AMAZING...Best fries around.

Three Day Weekend !!

I am so happy to have a three day weekend. It is even better since Lane is actually home for it. Saturday we spent the day "Spring Cleaning." I admit, I have a 2 cupboards that accumulate junk. Papers and stuff get put in them and then forgotten. I am happy to say, they are now cleaned out and one has turned into a craft cupboard and the other one is still the "I don't know where to put it, but I think I need it" place. Maybe since it is clean and organized, Lane will put his things there instead of on top of the refrigerator. (big pet peeve) The boys cleaned there room and I was able to get rid of quite a few toys. We do still have a ton of action figures and cars. But they are organized not and the boys can play away with them.
After our cleaning session, we went to see Night at the Museum 2. Still can't decide if I liked it. Loved the cupids...If you know who they are you will totally know why. I have to laugh, Camden was so excited to go but as soon as the theater went dark he was ready to go home. He did settle in and watch the whole thing and laugh. So many movies I want to see this summer. I can't wait.
When I got home from the movie, I had a message from Owen's Primary teacher, my good friend, who had a couple things come up and wasn't going to make it to Church today and asked if Lane and I could take her class. No big we do it with no problems. Not to mention, three day weekend, not many families will be there. Well then, at 10:30, my other good friend texted me and her sub backed out last minute, she was camping. So we were taking their class too. Which I totally would do, I love Annilee and Cole so Lane and I would do anything to help them. I was totally nervous though. We normally have about 10 active members of our class, Annilee has about that if not more, and poor Kristen has 4 total... I bearly slept last night going over how we were going to entertain that many kids. Well, we got into Primary today and there was a total of SEVEN kids in Jr Primary. That's right, SEVEN. Needless to say we had an amazing class. As the kids colored their handouts, they were humming Primary songs. How cute is that?
And tonight, Lane's best friend from Arizona had to come to town. I haven't seen him in forever. I was so happy he came for dinner. He has turned into such a great guy. It was great to see him and listen to he and Lane talk and watch him with the kids. And just after I got my pj's on, Lane's phone rang again and one of his old mission compainions is on Holiday from England and came to visit. I love to listen to the British speak, it is so beautiful. They use such great adjectives. I should say it is lovely to speak to them.
Tomorrow we have another great day planned, a morning bike ride, more cleaning and an afternoon BBQ with the Barlow's. I hope you all had a great weekend too.