Back to Me

I don't know when it happened, but sometime in the past 6 years, I have becomed an overstressed, over scheduled mother of 4. Lane has often said that I don't take time to myself and that is true. Case in point, in November, one of my best friends got me a gift certificate for a mani - pedi, instead of just giving it to me, she told me to be ready at a certain time not telling me what we were doing or where we were going. She picked me up and took me. Her reasoning was if she would have just given it to me, I would never have gone. And if she told me what we were doing, I would have made some excuse on why I couldn't come. They are completely right. No, this is not a "oh poor me post." That is my life, the life I have chosen. Most of the time I am a very happy busy mother of 4 and wife. My family is my life.
As of late, I have found myself completely stressed out, obessing on little things, striving for a perfection that cannot be attained and losing my temper for very little things. I blamed the out of control feelings on the new medication I am on, but I don't think that was it. I am still taking my medication and I feel wonderful.
Friday morning Lane and I left before dawn for California. He had a business trip to Southern California and I stowed away. The kids stayed home with my mother. With two of my best friends on stand by...just in case. As I said, Lane had to work so I got to read and listen to my music... My music, not Radio Disney (although the Jonas Brothers and HSM 3 are on my MP3) I got to enjoy the beauty of the mountains, the architecture of LA and the beautiful beaches of Santa Barbara. Lane and I got to walk on the beach and talk and enjoy our relationship. No stress of time restaints or whether our babysitter is tired of having the kids. We just got to enjoy one another.
I don't think I have been so relaxed in almost a decade. I am hoping this feeling lasts for a bit. I have begun the introspection to find what the cause of my unhappiness really was. I have an amazing life with beautiful, funny children, really good friends and a husband who loves me for the person I am, as imperfect as that may be. And after 13 years together, he still wants to be with me. Pretty amazing I think.