Fathers Day 2009

Just a preface: this might not be the normal upbeat, rah rah post I usually write.
So for Father's Day, I decided I would make Lane breakfast in bed. He has been on vacation this week, so I wasn't able to really have anything major done or planned for him. It was simple but yummy. Waffles with blackberry jam, homemade whipped cream and fresh blackberries and a bacon and cheese omelet. It was great to watch Camden who had to have his waffle exactly like Daddy's. It was the beginning of a wonderful day. That is when I did it, I ruined my day that could have been so wonderful.
I have been debating what to do about my family situation for a while. I bought my father a card and was planning on making a cute little cupcake with grass and a lawn mower on it to take to him after church. Expectation way too high !!! I called him about 9 am thinking I would be able to catch him before he and his family went out...The phone was answered by my cheerful step mother who was as always very polite. But much to both of our shock, my father was not up to talking on the phone. What a joke. Really, a simple "happy fathers day. how's it going" was all I had planned. Especially after the last time I talked to him.
I just don't get it. Any of it. I don't understand how a father can treat his children and grandchildren this way. And I don't understand why I continue to let us be treated like this in the hopes that one day he will open his eyes and see what he is missing out on. Or maybe I should just understand this is the life I was given and I can't change it, I just have to focus on the positive I have in my life like my husband. Knowing how screwed up my childhood was, I am thankful everyday for the wonderful husband I have. He is honestly the most amazing husband and father I know. I know I have defied all odds to have the relationship I have with him and I shouldn't let the other bother me. But it still hurts, even after 29+ years.