At what point should a person decide to let go. It is not a secret I have had an extremely difficult year. From family issues to fighting the schools for Owen. I am severely struggling physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. For the most part, I keep it in. That is the way I have dealt with my emotions throughout my life. Hold them in until something sets me off and then lose it. I have been able to not lose it more and more, but the toll it is taking on me I am afraid may be irreversible.
A couple of years ago, I was in a confrontation with someone and words were spoken that have devastated me. Although I apologized for my wrong doing in the situation sincerely, the statements that were made to me have haunted me and I am still plagued with the feelings of unkindness and hatred every time I must see the person who spoke them. I should let go, but I can’t or maybe it is I won’t. These were some of the most unkind, hateful words ever to be spoken to me and no responsibility of wrong doing has ever come of the altercation other than from me. This situation still adds stress to my life and marriage often. Again, this was years ago and I still have the horrible feelings that I cannot leave behind me.
More recently, I have had to and am still dealing with struggles with my own parents. After decades of dealing with the same problems over and over only escalated grander, when is enough enough to walk away and not look back? I wonder each day how my life would be if I did just that. To what extent would my life have to change for me to be able to make the commitment to let go. How would my life better by doing just that? If I do walk away and the terrible inevitable fates are met, how much of that is my responsibility? Can I make a difference? After 30 years, I have not been able to is something in the future or the present going to change to where I can make the difference and make it all better? Or do I focus on my husband, my children and forget about the rest.
It is time for me to move on, to be the bigger person so to speak. I know that forgiveness is the key to salvation yet it is at times to hard to give. Is forgiveness really needed when the person you are forgiving still does not feel they have trespassed?
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Forgiveness
Posted by Amy Barlow at 8:52 PM
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1 comments:
In answer to your last questions, YES. If you don't forgive that person even if they have no idea they have done nothing wrong to you, you will harbor that anger and hate until you do. It's very difficult and is not easy at all, and it will take years maybe, but you can get there. We had this same discussion in Relief Society two weeks ago and I asked if forgiveness was forgiveness when you don't feel like you can remedy the relationship. And yes, it still is. I speak from 5 years of pent up frustration and anger towards someone who did not know how his actions hurt our family, but after 5 years, I can see this person and not get angry. I just feel very sorry for him. We are not friends and I don't ever wish to be. Some things just can't be mended. Work on making your life better for you and your family and leave the rest behind. God will help you!
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