Forgiveness

At what point should a person decide to let go. It is not a secret I have had an extremely difficult year. From family issues to fighting the schools for Owen. I am severely struggling physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. For the most part, I keep it in. That is the way I have dealt with my emotions throughout my life. Hold them in until something sets me off and then lose it. I have been able to not lose it more and more, but the toll it is taking on me I am afraid may be irreversible.
A couple of years ago, I was in a confrontation with someone and words were spoken that have devastated me. Although I apologized for my wrong doing in the situation sincerely, the statements that were made to me have haunted me and I am still plagued with the feelings of unkindness and hatred every time I must see the person who spoke them. I should let go, but I can’t or maybe it is I won’t. These were some of the most unkind, hateful words ever to be spoken to me and no responsibility of wrong doing has ever come of the altercation other than from me. This situation still adds stress to my life and marriage often. Again, this was years ago and I still have the horrible feelings that I cannot leave behind me.
More recently, I have had to and am still dealing with struggles with my own parents. After decades of dealing with the same problems over and over only escalated grander, when is enough enough to walk away and not look back? I wonder each day how my life would be if I did just that. To what extent would my life have to change for me to be able to make the commitment to let go. How would my life better by doing just that? If I do walk away and the terrible inevitable fates are met, how much of that is my responsibility? Can I make a difference? After 30 years, I have not been able to is something in the future or the present going to change to where I can make the difference and make it all better? Or do I focus on my husband, my children and forget about the rest.
It is time for me to move on, to be the bigger person so to speak. I know that forgiveness is the key to salvation yet it is at times to hard to give. Is forgiveness really needed when the person you are forgiving still does not feel they have trespassed?

So something has happened. I am not really sure when but it has been pretty recent. Lizzie has turned into a very responsible young lady. A few weeks ago when Lane and I went to California, Elizabeth totally step up and helped with the boys. And she did so without attitude. And even more, she has started watching them here and there when I am working. I have to laugh because she is amazing with Owen and Camden. She totally entertains them, makes them lunch, everything. Today she even did laundry.
I have known I have a good girl, but I am so pleased to see her turning into such a wonderful young lady. (Beautiful too.)

Fathers Day 2009

Just a preface: this might not be the normal upbeat, rah rah post I usually write.
So for Father's Day, I decided I would make Lane breakfast in bed. He has been on vacation this week, so I wasn't able to really have anything major done or planned for him. It was simple but yummy. Waffles with blackberry jam, homemade whipped cream and fresh blackberries and a bacon and cheese omelet. It was great to watch Camden who had to have his waffle exactly like Daddy's. It was the beginning of a wonderful day. That is when I did it, I ruined my day that could have been so wonderful.
I have been debating what to do about my family situation for a while. I bought my father a card and was planning on making a cute little cupcake with grass and a lawn mower on it to take to him after church. Expectation way too high !!! I called him about 9 am thinking I would be able to catch him before he and his family went out...The phone was answered by my cheerful step mother who was as always very polite. But much to both of our shock, my father was not up to talking on the phone. What a joke. Really, a simple "happy fathers day. how's it going" was all I had planned. Especially after the last time I talked to him.
I just don't get it. Any of it. I don't understand how a father can treat his children and grandchildren this way. And I don't understand why I continue to let us be treated like this in the hopes that one day he will open his eyes and see what he is missing out on. Or maybe I should just understand this is the life I was given and I can't change it, I just have to focus on the positive I have in my life like my husband. Knowing how screwed up my childhood was, I am thankful everyday for the wonderful husband I have. He is honestly the most amazing husband and father I know. I know I have defied all odds to have the relationship I have with him and I shouldn't let the other bother me. But it still hurts, even after 29+ years.

Together again

I am still amazed at the idea that I love to spend time with my husband. We have been married for 13 years and I will still jump at any chance I have to spend time alone together. Tuesday afternoon I got a phone call from him saying he needed to go on a business trip to California leaving Wednesday afternoon. Immediately I swang into action. Got the ride home from school for Elizabeth, mom to come and stay with the kids and backup plans for all of it.
He still has to work, but it is so nice to just be in the car talking to him about everything and nothing. And this trip, boy were we in the car. Yet I loved every minute of it. It's pathetic, I know, but I am still completely in love.

BTW - if you are ever near Encintas, CA and in need of a GREAT burger, go to Angelo's it's on Pacific Coast Highway and it is AMAZING...Best fries around.

Three Day Weekend !!

I am so happy to have a three day weekend. It is even better since Lane is actually home for it. Saturday we spent the day "Spring Cleaning." I admit, I have a 2 cupboards that accumulate junk. Papers and stuff get put in them and then forgotten. I am happy to say, they are now cleaned out and one has turned into a craft cupboard and the other one is still the "I don't know where to put it, but I think I need it" place. Maybe since it is clean and organized, Lane will put his things there instead of on top of the refrigerator. (big pet peeve) The boys cleaned there room and I was able to get rid of quite a few toys. We do still have a ton of action figures and cars. But they are organized not and the boys can play away with them.
After our cleaning session, we went to see Night at the Museum 2. Still can't decide if I liked it. Loved the cupids...If you know who they are you will totally know why. I have to laugh, Camden was so excited to go but as soon as the theater went dark he was ready to go home. He did settle in and watch the whole thing and laugh. So many movies I want to see this summer. I can't wait.
When I got home from the movie, I had a message from Owen's Primary teacher, my good friend, who had a couple things come up and wasn't going to make it to Church today and asked if Lane and I could take her class. No big we do it with no problems. Not to mention, three day weekend, not many families will be there. Well then, at 10:30, my other good friend texted me and her sub backed out last minute, she was camping. So we were taking their class too. Which I totally would do, I love Annilee and Cole so Lane and I would do anything to help them. I was totally nervous though. We normally have about 10 active members of our class, Annilee has about that if not more, and poor Kristen has 4 total... I bearly slept last night going over how we were going to entertain that many kids. Well, we got into Primary today and there was a total of SEVEN kids in Jr Primary. That's right, SEVEN. Needless to say we had an amazing class. As the kids colored their handouts, they were humming Primary songs. How cute is that?
And tonight, Lane's best friend from Arizona had to come to town. I haven't seen him in forever. I was so happy he came for dinner. He has turned into such a great guy. It was great to see him and listen to he and Lane talk and watch him with the kids. And just after I got my pj's on, Lane's phone rang again and one of his old mission compainions is on Holiday from England and came to visit. I love to listen to the British speak, it is so beautiful. They use such great adjectives. I should say it is lovely to speak to them.
Tomorrow we have another great day planned, a morning bike ride, more cleaning and an afternoon BBQ with the Barlow's. I hope you all had a great weekend too.

Mother's Day Projects

This year I was creative with my Mother's Day Gifts. I have learned through life if I am thoughtful in giving a gift, I am usually happy with the result. I found a cute little flower made out of a childs hand on an apron. It was darling. I am still not the sewing novice I would like to be so I thought I would just paint the kids hands on canvas. It turned out so well. I thought it was great. I will have to make one for myself too.
On a side note. Without speaking to one another, Owen's class aide, Mrs. Donya did the same thing for Mother's Day for with the students in his class. She is one amazing woman and mom.

Cam does R Patz

When I took Camden shopping for his friends birthday gift, he decided to go incognito. He found a stocking cap in the bottom of the bat bag and put it on. It was priceless Cam.

Camden's First Birthday Party

Last week, I went to the mailbox and Camden had an invitation to his first "REAL" birthday party. I showed him the cute little Minnie Mouse card and told him it was for his friend Taylor from Nursery at Church. With his little crooked smile he said, "I wanna go mom. Can I go? He was so genuinely excited...He loves his friends from Nursery.

After baseball practice I took just Cam to pick out Taylor's present. I asked him before what he wanted to get her and he told me a "boy toy." But when we got to Target he changed his mind. We walked in and I asked again and ever so sweetly he said, "a dress I want to get her a dress." I tried to persuade him to the toys but he was set on a dress. We walked through the little girls clothing and he found the cutest little white top. It looked kinda boho, but he loved it. That was what he wanted to get her. He even found the size he thought would fit...He knows what size he wears so he assumes everyone his age should wear it too. Amazingly, he found a darling pink scooter skirt to go with it. I must admit, he did a great job, it was very impressive.


So today was the big day. After his baseball game he took a bath and got all ready for his party. It was just up the hill so we walked to the party. Just he and I. I was a little nervous, it is not exactly an easy walk out of our neighborhood. It is a pretty steep hill. He didn't even miss a step. He looked at the flowers and the rocks and asked tons of questions as we walked hand and hand to the park. You could not have asked for a more beautiful day. It is an experience I will cherish, and he will not even think twice about.


The party was so much fun. Taylor's family is so great. And all of the 3 year olds from nursery were there. Since we moved into the ward, Cam has talked about Ben. It was so much fun watching the two of them play. They totally carried on conversations as they played. They all played so cute together and had so much fun. As did I. What an experience. Great friends, great food (really good cake) and tons of fun. Is there a better way to spend a Saturday?

Field Trip to the Casino

About a month ago, I got a note from the school saying the First grade would be going on a field trip to the Rain Forest Cafe. I couldn't help to question how this could be educational. Yesterday I found out why. I was amazed at how wonderfully educational and entertaining this field trip was. Wednesday night it did hit me that Hayden had never been into a casino before, but to my shock, he still has never really been in one. We entered from a side entrance right by the restaurant and exited the same way. There were no slot machines or any other signs of a casino near. The kids had a blast. Our tour guide was awesome. He answered any and all questions the kids had...and the adult questions too. After about a 45 minute lecture/lesson on the rain forest we were treated to an unbelievable lunch. So much fun.

Everything is better in a Fort

Monday Camden, Owen and I made a huge fort in the living room. We had such a great time playing in it. Even better, we had a special surprise when a friend dropped by Great Harvest bread and jam. (Thanks Kristen) It was still warm and so yummy. So we got to have a wonderful snack in our fort. I have so much fun playing with the boys. I have made the decision that I am going to enjoy my children more and play...not just run around cleaning up after them. The house looks the same at the end of the day anyways...

Super Star Mystery Bash

As I was told by one attendee... "Lizzie's party last year was so awesome. So what are we doing this year, how are you going to top last year? How?" Thank you for the pressure Miss Messina. I think I topped it. I honestly think the girls had a wonderful time. I sure did.
This year for Lizzie's party, we opted for a Mystery Party. I have always wanted to host one of these and since I do feel the pressure of needing to one up last year, I decided this might be the way. We had so much fun. I made sure that all of the characters matched the personalities or likes of the girls. And each girl optimized their character. As did I Host/Detective Sun Dried Tomato. I said last year the Lizzie's friends are just amazing and again they were this year. The all seem to have so much fun together, and are so sweet to one another. She is one very lucky little lady.
I am sorry for the no picture thing, I lost my camera Saturday night, just to find it on Sunday morning when I wasn't looking.

Week Recap

Sunday - Big blowout at Aaron's Birthday Party.
Monday - The aftermath of the blowout at Aaron's party, Khloe cried all day long.
Tuesday - Still dealing with crap from Sunday, had a withdrawal from my account that was supposed to have been cancelled, got totally taken advantage of by someone, and Khloe cried all day. Forgot the extra glove for baseball practice, was late, had the equipment in the back of the burb and so Lane yelled at me. (Made an amazing dinner)
Wednesday - Lizzie's Bday. Got the house picked up. Thought the day was going well, facebooked about the day before to a friend thinking only she could see it and it posted to the public. Heather nicely figured out how to get it down. Khloe cried all morning, but cheered up after her nap. Got a little boy who doesn't want to leave mom's side to finally get ready for school, dropped him off thought to go get a pick me up at Saxby's, looked saw Camden was unbuckled, stopped buckled him in and the proceeded through a one way in the parking lot and got hit. Liz to dance, finished birthday cake. Don't think Liz liked her presents... Crashed depressed on the couch snuggling with husband.
TODAY- Got up made lunches for Lizzie, Lane and Hayden. Breakfast for Camden. Showered, came downstairs to see Camden had eaten Hayden's lunch... Made a second lunch for Hayden. Special Sunshine pancakes for Owen. Phone's out, Internet is on the blink... Got Jonas Brothers tickets... two days before the general public, and they kinda suck, but we got them... and it is only 11 am -
This week has got to get better.

12

My Lizzie turned twelve yesterday. It is so hard to think she is that old. She is beautiful and sweet and sassy. She reminds me a lot of my sister when she was a kid only Carey was a clean freak and Liz takes after me in this aspect. She is still as stubborn as the day we had her. It is crazy to think of all the problems and the NICU stay and how she has grown with no signs of any problems.

Lizzie is smart, sometimes too smart. She learned very early in school to do just what she needed to do to get her "A" and that is all she does. I have tried to explain how important taking the extra steps to do her best are, I think she is starting to understand that. Lizzie is strong. She knows right from wrong and as far as I know is staying on the right path.

Lizzie loves to dance and sing. She would like to try the whole acting thing but I am too scared to let her. (look at Miley Cyrus and Britney Spears) She keeps asking so who knows if I will give in. She is so tall and beautiful. She has been approached so many times, we just haven't done it.

Lizzie is amazing. She will do what you ask. She will complain alot right now but she is beginning to understand the true meaning of a family and the importance of a strong one.

We love our Lizzie. Happy Birthday.

Retrospection

Those who know me well, know I had a pretty messed up childhood. My brother, sister and I were extremely close while growing up and are lucky enough to have continued to have a great relationship to this day. I hope my children will have the same bond that the three of us have... Only I don't want them to have to (nor do I think they will) bond under the same circumstances.
Just recently, I had really thought I had come to grips with my childhood. I understand a little more about myself and why I have some of the feelings I do. As well I understand why I acted in ways that I did. Tonight I found myself back feeling as if I were the six year old who couldn't fix it all. The feelings of helplessness and desperation are so overwhelming and hurtful. I don't know if I am as over my childhood as I thought I was. I do know that tonight made me want to be the best mother and wife I can be so my children will never have to feel the pain I do.

The Next Stage Continues to Roll On

It hit a few months back that Lane and I were onto a new stage in our lives. Our kids are growing up which is allowing us to create a new lifestyle. This was evident last month when I went on an amazing overnight business trip to Southern California with him. (can't wait to go again.) Last week Cammers turned 3. Today we signed him up for T ball.
It is official, we have no more babies in this family. Pictures will be posted soon.

My Baby is 3

I can't believe my baby is 3. Camden turned 3 on Monday. He is the funniest child on the planet. He has never been a "baby." I would imagine that is because he has two older brothers he has to keep up with. Camers has no fear... he will try anything. climb up or jump off what ever is around. The past few weeks Camden has been a do it himself kinda guy. He will get his own water, his own snacks and he dresses himself regularly. Which often means his shoes are on the wrong feet.
Camden loves to be read to. Our family has been reading the Captain Underpants Series. Camden sits with us and is completely attentive to the story. He also loves to read to you. After you read him a book, he will then "read" it to you. He loves his hot dogs and his favorite color right now is Yellow, which really suits his happy personality. Camden can play with his cars for hours. I love to listen to his cars talk to one another. His favorite movies are Cars and HSM... He loves to sing the HSM songs with Lizzie.
Don't get me wrong, he is not perfect. He is very strong and will punch your lights out to get what he wants if he feels he needs to. He is stubborn as all heck. Which is probably why he beat such great odds to be born. I can't say just how much I love this little guy. He warms my heart with his twinkling eyes and crooked smile. And it melts when he tells me "yous my best friend" or "I's luz you." I luz him too.

Owen's Pirate Party

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Happy Birthday to Owen

Today my little guy turns 5. What a big year he has had. I am excited to say he has not been poked, prodded or tested since last May! Since working with his two speech therapists, he is making remarkable progress. He now talks all the time. He speaks in whole sentences now. Yes, he does speak Owenese or Yoda speak... His sentence structure isn't always right but you can usually get his drift.
Owen is still in the Early Childhood Class with Mrs. Pez (Perez) at Wolff. He has great friends in his class as well as some real cuties from church. He is still in love with Paige, but he loves to argue with another little girl from primary. Owen loves his new primary teacher Sister Truman and he is so lucky to have someone who loves him as much as she does.
Owen is very into his Star Wars. He plays it on Wii and with his action figures. About a month ago I found a great Star Wars shirt and got it for him and he now wears it all the time. Last week he wore it 3 days in a row, this week we are already on day two. He is so cute, he hangs it up every night so he can wear it again, so I sneak in and wash it and rehang it up. Today his school speech therapist mentioned to his teacher that he wore the outfit yesterday too, she nicely explained that it's his favorite.
He loves the Captain Underpants Series. We read them as a family and he absolutely loves to sit and listen and laugh at all the little boy potty humor. He is extremely smart. Kinda off he is so smart. He knows all his letters and sounds and is starting to put them together to read.
Owen loves to ride his bike and play baseball. He starts a new season of "coach pitch" in a week. Hopefully we will have the same great team as we have for a while. He loves "Troy" from High School Musical but if you ask him who he looks like he'll tell you Nick Jonas.
We have been so blessed to have him in our lives. He is so special. Our old primary chorister used to love to watch him because he sits and takes it all in. He is wise beyond his years and is an amazing little man. I can't wait to see what the future brings for him. Nothing will hold him back, he will accomplish anything he puts his mind to.

Another Year Older

As another birthday has come and gone, I have contemplated what life lessons I have learned in my 33rd year. The lesson that keeps coming to mind is home is where your heart should be centered.
We have been through so much this past year both good and bad but through it all, our family is becoming stronger and stronger. I strive on building a haven for my children. I want my home to be a place of refuge from the world. It may be cluttered, disorganized and loud at times, but it is the place where we live, laugh and love. I feel so blessed to be at home with my beautiful little children. I am blessed to have a part time job to pick up when I need also. I try to not take for granted the wonderful time I get to spend with each of them and am always trying to think of new creative things to do to strengthen our bond.
The other main lesson I have learned this year is how lucky I am to have Lane as my husband. I am so lucky to have the relationship I have with him. I am amazed to think it has been almost 13 years of marriage. I am so lucky to have a man who loves me for the imperfect person that I am. And I love him for the silly man that he is. I had the epiphany in November just how absolutely lucky I am. It was then that I rethought my relationship and re devoted myself to his happiness, and my own.
Overall it has been a wonderful and eye opening year. I just wonder what will happen between now and 35.(argh)

New Number

In our quest to rid ourselves of Cox Communications, Lane and I have changed phone services (and are going to save a bundle) Our new number is 702-609-9596
Thanks all.

Back to Me

I don't know when it happened, but sometime in the past 6 years, I have becomed an overstressed, over scheduled mother of 4. Lane has often said that I don't take time to myself and that is true. Case in point, in November, one of my best friends got me a gift certificate for a mani - pedi, instead of just giving it to me, she told me to be ready at a certain time not telling me what we were doing or where we were going. She picked me up and took me. Her reasoning was if she would have just given it to me, I would never have gone. And if she told me what we were doing, I would have made some excuse on why I couldn't come. They are completely right. No, this is not a "oh poor me post." That is my life, the life I have chosen. Most of the time I am a very happy busy mother of 4 and wife. My family is my life.
As of late, I have found myself completely stressed out, obessing on little things, striving for a perfection that cannot be attained and losing my temper for very little things. I blamed the out of control feelings on the new medication I am on, but I don't think that was it. I am still taking my medication and I feel wonderful.
Friday morning Lane and I left before dawn for California. He had a business trip to Southern California and I stowed away. The kids stayed home with my mother. With two of my best friends on stand by...just in case. As I said, Lane had to work so I got to read and listen to my music... My music, not Radio Disney (although the Jonas Brothers and HSM 3 are on my MP3) I got to enjoy the beauty of the mountains, the architecture of LA and the beautiful beaches of Santa Barbara. Lane and I got to walk on the beach and talk and enjoy our relationship. No stress of time restaints or whether our babysitter is tired of having the kids. We just got to enjoy one another.
I don't think I have been so relaxed in almost a decade. I am hoping this feeling lasts for a bit. I have begun the introspection to find what the cause of my unhappiness really was. I have an amazing life with beautiful, funny children, really good friends and a husband who loves me for the person I am, as imperfect as that may be. And after 13 years together, he still wants to be with me. Pretty amazing I think.

My Date with Owen

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Since Owen was tiny, he has loved Thomas the Tank Engine. He has had Thomas clothes, pajamas, blankets and of course a ton of trains. (not the lead containing wood ones.) Other characters have come in but Thomas is always there. So when I heard that Thomas was coming live, I knew I had to take him.

We didn't have wonderful seats, we were pretty far away, but he could still see everything. It was so much fun to see the story live. Owen "whoo whoo'd" and moved his arms like Thomas. He just was so excited to see all the trains live.

After the show we headed to his have his favorite lunch. No not McDonald's, we went to Panda Express. Owen is a huge orange chicken nut. You would never think someone his size could down so much. He ate his entire kids meal.

I had so much fun spending the day with him. It has been a long time since I had quality one n one time with him. It was truly a special day. I cherish everyday I have with him.

Make a Wish 5K

When I was a teenager, I ran a lot. If I got angry or worried or stressed, I would lace up my shoes and take off. Lane and I started walking at the first of the year and I enjoy it. I love being out with him, but it just isn't running. There is just something about being outside with yourself that is exhilarating to me. I can think. I can plan. I can focus on the run. I can escape into the music. I can see the beauty of the world. I enjoy it.
A couple of years ago, I made a goal to run a marathon before I am 35. Time is ticking away on this goal and it is a goal that only I have control over. It is up to me to train and achieve this goal. So I am doing it. I just started really training for it. Today my step mom, dad, my little half sister and I participated in the Make a Wish Run. It was just as I remembered. Although I was in a crowd of people, I was alone. I was there with myself and it was up to me to make it to the finish line. What a sense of accomplishment I felt as I rounded that last corner to run to the finish line. It nearly brought tears to my eyes to think I made it.
I have to thank my step mother Ginny for her encouragement. (and awesome running shoes) She was the one who signed me up for this one. And a great big thank you to my wonderful husband. Lane brought an mp3 home for me last night for my run today. That was so thoughtful and sweet. It feels amazing to hear the words "I'm so proud of you" from him. I'm pretty proud too.

What I have Learned this week.

For some who read this you know I have had an emotion couple of weeks. As with the normality, life is this Barlow house is a roller coaster ride. Just when things are calm, life happens and we begin a new "learning experience." I am happy to say, no I am not expecting another little one as some may be thinking at this time. But life will be changing one way or another for me in the next few weeks. That aside I am going to share what I have learned.
I have a sister when in time of need swoops in, takes charge and does what she can to remedy problems. I thank her with all my heart for helping me out with what seems now like a hiccup in Owen's education. It may seem like a small thing you did, but it was the way you handled it that I will always feel indebted to you for.
I have great friends who like me for me. I have the most amazing friends who I know will be there when I need them. Whether it be keeping Hayden and Owen for a couple hours on Wednesdays so I can take Lizzie to dance class or deciding I need a mental health night to spend with Lane and taking my children for "HOURS" so we can talk and not worry about time, Jaynee is always there. I would never have expected when Owen started school, I would be gaining a truly wonderful close friend. I learned if I need advice or just the simple reassurance that I am a good person, I have Joanne to put her arm around me and give me the little lift I need once and a while. She is also willing to give me the kick in the tail when I need that too.
I have learned (again) that I love my Ward. I love the sweet sisters in it who are there in times when I need that little bit of support and strength. The simple smiles and the spiritual support is ever so important. It may seem like a small gesture on your part but on my end it is grand and wonderful to me. I thank all of my new friends in my Ward (and the few I have known for a while now.) You make us feel like we are at home. And we all thank you for that. I know I can count on you too for help if I ever were to need it. That is such a relief and a comfort I cannot convey in words.
I have learned that being a family is the most important thing in my life. I have realized I am very lucky to have the children I do and a husband who is supportive and caring even when I am gripey and grouchy. I have a husband who loves me, and after 13 years still wants to spend time with me. I have a family who actually likes to spend time with each other and for the most part is happy. A family who loves one another. In the end, that is what is important to life.
I have realized that I am happy with the person I am. (size not included)

Much Needed Girls Night

Yesterday afternoon I got a phone call from my SIL Sarah. Her good and very generous friend opened his box for us to see High School Musical on Ice. I just can't convey how much fun the little girls had. I think us mom's (and dad) had a pretty good time too. It has been a long time since I have gone out with girls and boy have I missed the conversations about the important things happening in our lives as well as the silly things we are doing.
Thanks again to the Stewarts and to Sarah and the girls for such a wonderful evening.

The Wake Up Call

Since before Lane and I got married, one of my responsibilities is waking him up. The man does not know what sleep is and why it is so important to a person. I can remember Dodie going out of town and having to call him to wake him up for work. Most of the time I would end up calling Tyler who would then have to wake up and walk downstairs to wake Lane up so he would make it to work.
Fast forward over 13 years and I am still struggling with waking him up. We are blessed in the sense he no longer goes to work at 3am, but that just gives him the idea he can stay up til 3 am. Today I called thinking I he would be up, had breakfast and ready to head for the airport a little after 7, and he was just barely awake. It makes me laugh. I thought life would change this mans sleep patterns but it hasn't and he has passed it on to half the kids.
So the wake up calls will continue...

Owen Update

Well it is a new year and we have new goals. I think about last year at this time and the longing I felt to hear the simple things from Owen. I think of how I longed to hear I love you out of his little mouth or to hear him say his name. Wow what a difference from last year and even from just the few months since our trip to UCLA. Owen really is talking now. He will answer questions. He will ask questions. He even has conversations with us, his siblings and his friends.
He is still in school at Wolff in the Early Childhood program, with Mrs. Perez. He sees his school speech therapist three times a week or 30 minutes a session. She is still amazing with him. He has helped me so much with understanding what I need to do to encourage his progress. I know I can ask her the really dumb questions that I have and even if she laughs she will answer them. He sees his outside therapist too. We have had to drop down to only one day a week. But when he goes he is still all business. He goes at 7 am. Which for those who really know Owen understand just how amazing that is. Owen is my little night owl. He does not like to go to sleep. He will sit and color or look at books for hours in his bed instead of sleeping. That is the Barlow in him. And he likes to sleep in. But when I tell him we have speech in the morning, he tries really hard to go to sleep so he can be awake for therapy. Ms. Kelli is still amazing. She is really invested in him. She can not believe the progress in him. She never thought it would be so quick. I am so happy that it is.
Last week we were at my in laws and Aunt Mindie was talking to him. She was asking him all about Christmas and what he got. What he liked. He was able to actually answer her and I didn’t have to “translate” for him.
I am very concerned with Primary. Since we are no longer his teacher, I have to allow someone new into his life. I have kept him so sheltered and guarded from the “real world” I am struggling to open my sweet little man up to someone who isn’t familiar with him or Apraxia. I know I am being silly, but I am a mom who doesn’t want her child hurt. He has the cutest little girls in his class who have NEVER uttered a word about how he speaks. They actually understand a lot of what he says. I lucked out this week a good friend of mine was teaching his class and all week he practiced saying “Sister Truman.” I don’t know that he ever said it to her but he could definitely say it. I did ask him when he got home what he learned today and he was able to tell me. In complete sentences too.
We have a long road ahead of us still. Not everything is intelligible. I still have a hard time once and a while. And the people who don’t see him on a regular basis really struggle still. But the progress is there. He is talking in sentences. Sometimes the sentence structure is a little jumbled. But I am not going to worry about that part of the disorder when the stranger on the street can understand him more.

The Great Weight Loss Challenge

Let the Competition Begin
My sister in law had an epiphany. She decided to challenge pretty much everyone she knows to a “Biggest Loser” type competition. We started today with the challenge. We sent in our current weight and the game is on. On April 15th we head to a party at her house for the final “weigh in.”
I really thought I would totally kick tail in this but after today, I think I need a little more will power. I did great first thing this morning. I had an egg white and veggie omelet did my Pilates and drank like three glasses of water. Then Lane needed to help out at his parent’s house and that’s when it went downhill. Dodie has the GREATEST snacks in the world. And all of them you may ever want. She’s got the crackers and cheese, the cookies, the chocolate, nuts, and of course my favorite, the jellied fruit candies. I tried really hard but I did end up indulging in 2 triscuts, a couple handfuls of almonds and cashews and of course 3 or 4 of the jellied candies. I feel SO terrible.
I am so happy to have gotten Sarah’s email letting me know about her tough day too. But tomorrow is a new day and not a holiday so GAME ON!!! Watch out this Barlow is going to win!!!