What Happened to Parenting ?

As many of you know, I have spent the past 3 weeks working as the subsitute teacher for the Early Childhood Special Education program at our local elementary. This has given me the opportunity to really be inside the school setting. This with many trips to the park and other events recently have brought me to really ponder the question: What happened to parenting?

I will preface this rant by saying I do not feel I am a perfect parent. I am actively working to become a better parent daily. I strive to teach my children right from wrong, teach them a sense of self and the worth of each of their beautiful spirits, to teach them the value of an education, to teach them respect for self and others, and to be good Christlike people. I want to be the best parent I can to give my children the best advantage in life. Again, I am not perfect and I know this but, I am climbing onto my soap box to ask you to really think about how your parenting is affecting others your children are coming in contact with. I hope it is in a positive way because in this world we live in we need to spread love throughout our children.

When I was a teenager I never really thought I would have children. This may be a shock to many of you. I was going to be a career person and children did not fit in to that equation. If I did have a child, I wanted to be that "cool" mom who hung out with everyone and everyone wanted to hang out with. Wow - So far from what I think now. I think this is where the world of parenting has gone wrong.

We as parents have the responsiblity of teaching our children how to love. That does NOT mean give them everything they want at all times. We have to look out for our children's best interest. If that means to say no then say it. Deal with the tantrum, the anger, the frusteration. That is your job, you choose when you decided to have your child DEAL WITH IT! Let me give you a few examples of how we are ruining our children.

#1 - Last week I met my friend with her boys at the park. We played and played when a little girl who was maybe 5 came to the swings. She yelled to her mother to put her on the swings. My not so polite son came to me and said, "Mom look at that little girl, she is so fat." I was horrified, but it was true. I told him that was not a nice thing to say, just because she was not as skinny as he was. He and his friend just watched her swing. Owen and his buddy had just finished swinging in the baby swings when the little girl gets off the swing walks over to the baby swings and yells again at mom. "I want to swing in here" she said. Mom replied, "no you are too big that is a baby swing." We then got the full tantrum. "I WANT TO SWING IN THIS SWING NOW!!!" The feet were stomping the arms swinging as she repeated herself over and over. So instead of mom being a parent and explaining to her the idea she was too big for the baby swing she put her in. This story ends witht he fire department coming to the park to cut the little girl out of the swing. NO JOKE !!! A parent who was unwilling to deal with the consequence of what was best for her child. Instead of sticking to the no, she gave in and humiliated her child.

#2- In one of my classes I had a child who is in there for the main reason of the mother doesn't know what the heck she is doing. The child is disruptive, distructive and hard to deal with. In my few weeks in this class, I had the great opportunity to have the director of Early Childhood in my class, the superintedent of the southeast region in my class and several other administrators in my class... No pressure for a new substitute right... I have to say the director of EC was a huge help. But even she could not figure a way to deal with this child. All he needs is love she told me. But when you showed this child kindness and love, unless it was the entire two and a half hours of school one on one attention, his behavior got worse. My principal was in the class one day as we were cleaning up and he was throwing one of his little trantrums and she was appauled to think he was there because no one had been a parent to him. My school psychologist put it the best way. This program is the first step in showing him that he is of value. Without school and the teachers he would never know how he is supposed to behave in society. When did it become the teachers job to teach a child how to behave in society? Isn't that the parents job?

#3 - I had the opportunity to step into a regular ed class one afternoon for a little while. Within the first ten minutes of being in the class, I got a call from the office to let me know that one of the boys in the class is being withdrawn from school because mom and dad are playing a custody game and he is flip flopping between two schools. How about that for stability. Let's destroy our child's ability to know a stable life just because we can't stand one another. I understand divorce happens, I am a product of it, but try to give your children the stability they deserve. I have several friends who are divorced and they don't like their exes but they put their children first so the children know they are the most important things in their life. I was in this class on a Friday. The next Monday I was walking into the school when there this poor little boy was again and Mom was trying to enroll him again. So the little thing was back to being a ping pong ball in the fight between mom and dad.

I know that my parenting affects other kids. I have been called mean many times because I don't allow the kids to do things. I have been told to lighten up because I expect my boys to behave a certain way in public. But I know I am making a difference. Last week a little boy in my sons school class came up to me at Church and gave me a great big hug. I smiled and asked what that was for and he said to me: "It is nice to see you that is all." That is what being a parent is all about. I know that because Hayden is the kind hearted little boy he is, I have made a difference in another boys life too.

Being a parent is the most important job we have. It is one that at times is totally thankless... But the simplest hug, smile or I love you makes all the hardship of life melt away. Take the job seriously, it is the most important one you have.